He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
