If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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