wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
