It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
