got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
