I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
