piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
a search helicopter?!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he laminated a picture of his dick.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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