the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You dont lie about slip and slides
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
