He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
