i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
