we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
