she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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