i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
