the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
