I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
