There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
