Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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