Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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