well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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