walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
