elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
