She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
