mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
This is my gift to your gina
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
