glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
