There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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