hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
