I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
