If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
