He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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