saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
