it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
