strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
