Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
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