I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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