I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
