sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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