its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
