Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
