I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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