from now on my penis is your penis
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
