Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You need Xanax blowdarts
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
