nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
