We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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