every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
