i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
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