Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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