She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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