if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
