I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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