Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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